| i almost forgot how xanga can kind of be some sort of a place to go to when thoughts are needed to be written down, or in this case typed. i didnt end up going to FL. this semester because of fear. simply fear. it sucks because everything was planned out when i got back from WY and i knew exactly where i was headed next. i always have a plan, always! now i sit here and wonder what if...dont you hate that? i am taking a semester off and trying to figure things out. but seriously, i have not gotten anything figured out. its been a month since i have been home and i have no direction. why? why is it that hard? i dont know if i should just finish up at USAO because i do have nearly 100 hrs. or if i should try to leave again in the spring and head to FL like planned originally. it all seemes like a gamble. its kind of like i almost forgot the person i wanted to become because i was so focused on others. another problem of mine, what others think. ridiculous because i dont need others approval. i have people in my life that i love more then anything and yet sometimes its not satisfying enough. i am scared to try to go back and get my teaching degree at USAO because i felt like i didnt belong. its as if i completely lose who i am when i walk into the class room. i hate that. i dont want to forgot who i am and what i stand for, but i turn into this shy little girl who is helpless. it sounds abnormal, but it is what it is. i just wish i had all the answers, but im sure everyone feels the same way. i guess i have to all leave it up to the big man upstairs...sigh. i just wish i knew.... |
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| oklahoma bound. mom flies in today and we drive back on thursday. ill be home by the weekend. then guess who turns 21 in 13 days?! OH YA ME!!!!
(what a great summer. can honestly say i will not forget it. i am blessed.)
see yal soon. |
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| yesterday was an amazing day. my adventure was definitly testing one of my biggest fears...myself. amy and i hiked up the tetons to surprise lake. the hike was 12 miles round trip. i wanted to give up so many times and turn around, but amy wouldnt let me. shes so awesome. 5 miles up a 3000 foot incline, and i can tell ya right now that i am feeling it everywhere in my body. i am SO sore and burnt. but...this place where we ended up was honestly breathtaking...a lake you would NEVER see unless you hiked to it. a lake in the middle of the mountains. amy and i laid out on a boulder and caught some sun and played in the water a little bit. there was snow still up there! thats how close we were. i am so lucky to have this opportunity. i am blessed.
today amy and i went canoeing on jackson lake and we were right near the mountains. its almost as if we could have touched them. there were boats all out on the lake and other people with canoes. what a day! these past 2 days off have been well worth it...
i am going to miss this place, but i am ready to be back at home. i am glad i came back and did this on my own. i definitly do not regret it.
i hiked this baby!!!
with this awesome girl!
ps i cannot comment on anyone elses sites because this computer is being lame and wont let me...i will try on another one when i can.
alicia <![CDATA[ ]]> |
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